This post is for the women who are thinking about, in the process of becoming or just had a kid at our wise old ages of 35-45. An extremely simplified guide-
So… Labor and preparing for baby. Holy mother of god, that’s scary to think about. Let’s talk turkey-
1. LABOR:
Is it gonna kill me? What does it mean to get induced early? Everyone says Pitocin (pronounced pit-toe-son) is evil incarnate. WTF? Should I consider natural child birth at my age? I really want to (and people tell me to) but oh my god! Sounds hellish.
2. NEWBORN PHASE:
*1st 3 months: Am I going to get depressed? I don’t know if I can go through that at this point in my life. I need sleep! I’ve become quite accustomed to sleeping 8 hours for lo these many years. Will I be able to function?
*3 – 12 months: Will I be able to handle the physical demands?
1. LABOR
First, you’re gonna be fine. You always have been.
Secondly and most important, you are (or you will be) highly motivated to be a bad ass for your little one. As I’m sure you know, study after study have found that exercise extends the life of people and actually acts as medicine, even reversing the effects of aging in some cases. I live in Colorado and I see 80-year-old people summiting 14,000 foot mountains. These are no longer extreme cases. We hear about people doing this all the time. It’s basically just a matter of believing that you can. So, I decided to try getting in shape, but for an entirely different reason than ever before. I’m no longer interested in getting thin so I can look good in a sundress. I want to be strong. I need to carry this little (but not light) thing around (both inside and outside of the womb) and I need muscles to do it. I started looking for ways I could work exercise into my day and do so in small increments. I also needed to train my mind to believe I am capable of being a fit woman with super mom-strength. See part 2.
Preparing and getting through labor… A few thoughts:
A. Preparation : 5-minute works outs
These can be done anywhere, anytime. These workouts are unbelievably effective. I wouldn’t have believed it myself, but the results speak for themselves. There are several apps available that provide these workouts for free and they are more than adequate. [Jillian Michaels has a free app – and the workouts are different every day.]
Or, you could just do some squats every day – just 5-10 – in the 3 months leading up to the due date. You won’t believe how much of a difference this makes. I actually got the baby out in 4 pushes thanks to this. Just plain old walking is also a great way to strengthen your inner thighs.
**This also works great for getting in shape after the baby comes. See “Newbornitude.”
2. Get an epidural!!!
I have to say, you’d be crazy not to take advantage of this wonder of modern science. Especially at our age. There is a misconception out there that an epidural renders you unable to push a baby out. Let me assure you that this is not the case. The pain is numbed, but you still have the ability to push. I could even feel the baby coming to the surface when we were getting close to pushing time. I can’t explain how this is possible, but it’s amazing. When I got the epidural, labor immediately went from horrible and terrifying to totally tolerable in a matter of minutes. The experience is totally different. There is an increased chance of c-section, but you have to weigh that against the agony of labor. C-sections are common and generally safe. A lot of women end up having them even when in the midst of natural labor. Do some research and weigh the pros and cons.
Natural child birth is a lovely idea, but the reality is a nightmare. There’s no hard evidence that it’s better for the baby, but I certainly understand the drive to do it without medication. There’s a great article on the pros and cons here: https://www.thebump.com/a/epidural-natural-birth. And for God’s sake do it in a hospital. There are just too many potential risks for a mom “of our age.”
3. Induction
It is very possible that the doctor will want to induce labor early. There are many reasons for this. When I asked my initial OB why they planned to induce me at 39 weeks, she said, “because… 42,” referring to my age at the time. This was not an acceptable answer for me and, upon pressing her, she didn’t give me much information as to why this was necessary. I ended up going outside my insurance network to get a second opinion and she explained it pretty thoroughly.
Essentially, she said it depends on the health of the mother. They follow you weekly when you get close to full term and they want to determine whether the baby would be healthiest inside the womb or outside. If the baby is small and the mom has high blood pressure (which I did during pregnancy), it makes sense to induce early. The baby is technically considered fully-cooked at 37 weeks so it’s technically ok to deliver the baby at that point. I was induced shortly after I hit 37 weeks and it went as well as it could possibly go. I recommend an online resource and community called Baby Center ( https://community.babycenter.com/ ) to hear from other moms who have gone through the same thing. Most women have already thought of every question you have and you can easily find the answers. Or at least see what others are talking about. [PS. I went back into my network and requested a different doc, who was great.]
They didn’t have to use Pitocin for me. They used a pill which they inserted at the base of the cervix to start the process. It slowly begins to dilate the cervix. Then we did a balloon which slowly expands and dilates more. I wasn’t painful (only because of the miracle drugs inside an epidural) and it worked. It took about 30 hours in total and I slept for some of it (thanks to Ambien which evidently is perfectly safe for the baby).
2. NEWBORNITUDE (A non-word I started using)
It is totally possible to reinvent yourself after having a baby at this age. If anything, us late moms are even more motivated to take care of ourselves because we have a powerful motivator and have already done all the drinking, drugs and partying that we’re gonna do. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on a single thing. Here are a few thoughts on dealing with your new life:
A. Meditation
Only for very short periods at first. You can even do it with her/him in your lap when she falls asleep with a bottle/breast in her mouth. It’s just a matter of relaxing the body and attempting to clear the mind of noise. I know… it’s easier said than done. But it doesn’t take long before you make progress and learn to just be. An easy way to start is to use a mantra (any word or phrase that resonates with you) and keep saying it aloud or to yourself. This helps to focus the mind and dull random thoughts. The thoughts will still be there but they soon begin to take a backseat as you learn to quiet your mind. There are also many guided meditations available on YouTube.
B. Medication
Seriously consider getting on a mood-stabilizer or anti-depressant for first couple of months. The “baby blues” are no joke. Mine was more like crippling depression. When giving birth, the body loses all the hormones it built up in one foul swoop and you’re left to rebuild all your natural mood-stabilizing capacity. It takes about 2 weeks but can take several months to feel like a normal person again.
In most cases, the drugs won’t affect the baby if you’re breast-feeding. You can look up classes of medication (what is and isn’t ok to take during pregnancy) here: https://www.drugs.com/pregnancy-categories.html.
To get info on the specific drug, type in the name of the drug and “pregnancy” into the search box to find its category and risk.
This doesn’t exactly apply to you when you’re no longer pregnant, but some of the same rules apply to breast feeding (although a much smaller portion of your intake goes through your breast milk than was supplying your baby during pregnancy).
C. Back to the 5-minute workouts
These can be done during her nap-time. When your man (or woman, as the case may be) gets home and you hand the baby over. In the garage after returning from the grocery store and the baby is still asleep in the car (and you’ll be damned if you’re going to risk waking her up by moving her). It is vital that you build up the strength to carry your new little one around.
She/he won’t be so heavy at first, but they certainly will get there. Lifting her up and down from the diaper changing station. In and out of the crib. Hauling the baby around in their enormous car seat. Not to mention that your child will want to be carried around well after they can walk, and you’ll want to do it. And let me assure you, a toddler is not light.
People don’t really talk about the physical stamina it will take to handle this. This is true for any new mom, but as we age, we naturally lose muscle mass. However, the weakening of your body is not a forgone conclusion. I am actually in better shape now than I have been most of my adult life. It really wasn’t that hard. And my motivation is totally different and much more worthwhile than just looking good.
D. Sleep
There’s no getting around the fact that your sleep is seriously disturbed during the first few months. But I’m here to tell you that you have control over whether this lasts 12 weeks or 12 months. As soon as possible – I’d say by 8-10 weeks, move the baby from your room into their own room/crib. They’ll get used to it faster and so will you. Once you get passed the initial worries of “oh my god, the baby is sick/dying/in horrible pain-phase, you’ll figure out that babies often cry just because they want to be held. You can go in, hold and feed her/him for 20 minutes and go back to bed.
The hardest part is for you. It will be rough at first, but if you let the baby just cry it out for 2-4 nights, they’ll get the picture. They will realize that they can get themselves back to sleep without Mom or Dad. They will get through it. They learn to self-sooth – a vital part of human development. If you’re breast feeding, pump enough that you can feed the baby a lot before they go to bed at night. Once the baby’s stomach is big enough, they’ll be able stay satiated overnight. I was told to always time the baby’s crying. Usually it doesn’t last as long as we think it does. It just feels like an eternity.
There was a recent study about this. Check it out here: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/new-study-says-okay-let-babies-cry-night-201605319774
At 3 months – almost to the day – My little Lucy was sleeping through the night. We’re talking 10-11 hours. And she still does. It IS possible!
Best of luck, mommies. You got this!